April 13, 2009 Love Of Course
This is the beginning of love—well, the diary with “Love, Of Course” on the cover anyway! I thought perhaps I would meditate on the questions of love rather than focus on finding answers. The answer is always going to be, “Love, Of course.”
The first question is how does one identify their feelings? How can you spot the moment where you wondered what these strange sensations were or why your thoughts were tugged in the direction of someone special? It isn’t always obvious.
When you are dating or looking for love, then every glance or touch means something. It is easy to read body language and respond—even if it all happens subconsciously. Flirting is fun and physical attraction is the least difficult to detect. If a fling is all you want then there are numerous ways to determine who might reciprocate.
However, love can be a bit trickier to figure out. If sexual attraction is by passed in favor of friendship, then feelings may develop or surface eventually. I would argue that attraction appears to always be present from the beginning. Be it chemistry or recognizing something in the other person’s soul, the body seems to sense it first. Physical attraction is rarely—if ever—merely physical. There are always underlying reasons behind our connections and ultimately our choices. Past relationships are constantly shaping our present ones. From our parents to our so-called puppy love, our experiences create the chemistry of our connections.
Once conscious of the things that influence us and our identity, we are free to change them. We are not stuck inside any set of butterfly chains. Fractal patterns and chaos can only contain us so long as we remain in the dark about our true desires.
Anyway, I have been cursed with the ton of bricks version of falling in love on more than one occasion. I meet a man and I am burdened by an intense interest and attraction. I felt heavy, anxious and achy. Unsure of how to handle my feelings or react appropriately in social situations, I screwed everything up.
Love begins in many ways, but it is perhaps it is in our beloved’s absence that we realize it most. Flirting and feeling affection can be attributed to fun and friendship. It isn’t until fear sets in that we realize attachment. It isn’t until we recognize attachment that we begin to value that person’s place in our lives. Once we value that person’s place in our lives, then it is possible to develop a selfless sense of sacrifice. Making them happy and keeping them safe becomes a priority and that is the sign of a mature and loving relationship.
I think that you can love without attachment, but that that it is more a sense of compassion if you are detached.
You can love without fear, but fear, I think, fuels our passion.
You can love without trust, but then there is no real intimacy. Without intimacy that love cannot grow. An attachment and affection without openness will suffocate and collapse in on itself. The love may not be a lie, but the lies led the love to die.
You can desire someone that you do not love, but only love will make you desire openness, trust and intimacy.
However it begins, whatever you feel first, there is always the possibility for love, if you are willing, of course.